Sunscreen is Foreplay: Why SPF is the Sexiest Form of Skincare.
Disclaimer: The blog post you are about to read is unfiltered. Read at your own risk! ⚠️
Apparently my mom isn’t a fan of some of my more controversial blogs. So DEB, if you’re reading this, this is your official warning to exit immediately. And for everyone else already clutching their pearls over the title? You should probably turn back too. Trust me. You’re not going to like where this is headed.
Let’s start with a little backstory on where I discovered the art of delayed gratification.
Where I Learned the Art of Delayed Gratification
I grew up in the country and culty Christian AF. I'm talking Beanie Babies being the devil, TVs being forbidden, people speaking in tongues, and drinking raw milk out of a jar with a ladle.
It’s come up in many therapy sessions, and is a great leg up in a late-night game of never have I ever. Long story short, I was pretty sheltered, okay?
When I was 13, I took a job babysitting for my new, motorcycle-driving, rock-and-roll-listening, “cool” neighbors down the road. They paid me $20 a night to feed their kids hot dogs and blue box mac & cheese, put them to bed at 9, and watch whatever I wanted on TV until they got home around 11. It was like a little slice of secular independence.
It didn’t take me long to stumble across a stack of novels lying around the house. You know the ones.
A shirtless man on the front with long, wavy blonde hair, holding a brunette by her tiny waist, riding a horse or standing on a big rock or whatever.
These didn’t look like any of the books in my church library, that's for sure.
What WERE these books??
I learned two things during that babysitting job: The longer the man's hair, the dirtier the book. And apparently, I really liked reading.
See, those smut books from the 90s were the boss level of foreplay. Successfully tapping into someone's inner imagination and making it last through 5 chapters before you even get to the “good stuff”... now that's an art. That's the true definition of Foreplay. Because sometimes, it isn't just about the main event, it's also about what makes the main event worth having.
So What Does Any of This Have to Do With Sunscreen?
Weirdly though, that's exactly what sunscreen reminds me of. Stay with me. Sunscreen is all about the build-up. We take it for granted at times, but when you don’t have it, your skin will know. Because you're not putting on sunscreen for today’s glow. You're pretty much seducing your future self, like foreplay for the face.
SPF and Other Innuendos
So we might as well break down some of my favorite ways that I can compare SPF to other sexual innuendos, because what else do I have to do at 4:30 on a Tuesday afternoon than write a sexy blog post about SPF?
Somebody has to say it, and as the esthetician in Waite Park who has been preaching SPF for over a decade, apparently that somebody is me.
😜 SPF is like Foreplay for Future You
Nobody gets up in the morning and says “Wow, I would really like to foreplay for 6 hours today.” That's just not how it works. Foreplay in itself is something we do to make the most out of what comes next. SPF works the same way, we do it in the moment, to ensure our future face is as good as it possibly can be.
😎 Not wearing SPF is like Raw-Dogging the Sun
We all understand as humans, that unprotected sex has its consequences. In fact, we even learn about it around 5th grade just in time for our hormones to kick in. Estheticians have been screaming the same thing as your high school health teacher for years!
Yet somehow people look at a giant ball of fire in the sky and think “Huh… I should be fine."
The sun has a body count that should concern you. Protect yourself. From Chlamydia and Melanoma, Please.
🧾 Your Wrinkles Have Receipts like a bitter ex
Your skin remembers everything. Every beach day. Every forgotten reapplication. Every "it's cloudy, so it doesn't count." It’s keeping score. It’s reminding you of each time you fell short. Don’t give it the leg up. SPF ensures you keep the upper hand in the relationship.
🌞 The Sun is a Terrible Lover
Talk about red flag energy. Its love language is literally cellular damage. The sun is hot, charismatic, impossible to avoid, and terrible for your future.
SPF means protecting yourself from yet again another draining relationship that leaves you trying to rectify it in therapy for months, years... even decades... yikes.
SPF puts boundaries on the sun. It tells it where you stand. It takes your power back.
📏 Size Matters this time
SPF 15 and SPF 50 are not the same thing. I'm not saying bigger is always better, but I am saying that in certain situations, larger numbers are the better choice. You deserve it all, including full protection.
The Bottom Line on SPF
In conclusion, the hottest people aren't necessarily the youngest, they're the ones who protected their skin early on and set it up for success. Prevention is sexy because it signals self-respect, confidence, and foresight. Sunscreen basically says "I fully intend to still be hot in ten years."
The long-haired, shirtless man on the horse got it right. The secret to a happy ending is all about the foreplay.
Ready to get serious about your skin's future? Book a consultation at our Waite Park spa — we'll build you a routine that keeps you looking hot for the next decade.
